How I managed uncertainty while moving around the world and how you can too
Lessons from leaving my family and friends in the United States to begin my masters in England
Moving across the pond was tough. A lot tougher than I anticipated. Particularly because I wasn’t mentally “ready” to leave what I had in DC. I was spending my days there with great friends and family, and I began to feel really comfortable. I developed a daily routine and became really happy with what I was doing. I think if I hadn’t signed up for this master’s program a few months back, I may have stayed to continue this linearly improving life.
But, the person I was a few months earlier when I signed up for the masters was much smarter than the person I am today; feeling overloaded with emotion and regretting my decision. A few months earlier, I saw the exponential growth that would occur from my time in England. I also knew a Master’s from the University of Cambridge was a once in a life time opportunity. If I didn't take advantage of it now, I may never have this opportunity again.
When I made the decision to go for my masters, I was thinking logically and long term. I hadn’t let my emotions influence my decision, so I was able to see very clearly the amazing skills and experiences I would gain and how it would benefit my life. As I learned over the past few years from traveling and trying new things, the most beneficial changes don’t come from being comfortable in a routine. They come from breaking out of your comfort zone and being scared and uncertain.
I took this challenge as an opportunity to learn. I knew if I am experiencing pain others must be as well. I spent my first few days here attempting to figure out how to get through it, and this is the solution I arrived at.
I didn’t begin to experience strong feelings until the day before I was set to leave DC. My bags were packed in my room and the inevitable was finally real. I sat on my bed staring at these bags and looking back at my summer. I remember when I first arrived in DC and what I was feeling then. I was feeling the same emotions I felt as I landed in London; scared, uncertain of what was to come, but hopeful. At the beginning of the summer, time couldn’t move fast enough, but as I started working and meeting more people, I couldn’t get it to slow back down.
I had really lived in the moment until the point of departure, but as I began to pack my car, I felt a rush of emotions pass through me. I had the feeling there was so much more left to be gained in DC. I felt like I was making a really big mistake.
“Why am I giving up so much for uncertainty?” “Will I make friends?” “Will everything be here when I return?” “Will I ever return?” These are the thoughts that cycled through my mind influencing my outlook on life. They festered in there causing me to feel uneasy and unprepared. I wasn’t ready to go.
I learned the feeling of readiness stemmed from what I was giving up. I wasn’t ready to give up what I had in DC; the job, the income, the friends, the family, and all the great experiences I had with them. The reason what I was giving up was so powerful is because naturally we dislike giving things up or losing things (money, time, friends) 3 times more than we enjoy gaining new things (the opportunities abroad).
Unlike when I left for college, I didn’t feel I had spent enough time in this place to fully exhaust all the available opportunities. This amplified the feeling of loss and made the experience much harder.
Since leaving, I developed a few realizations that helped me adjust my mindset. I knew the opportunity to pursue a masters at the University of Cambridge may never be available again, so capitalizing on that was critical. I also knew I had a huge support system back home. I knew my friends and family were quietly cheering me on in the background and hoping for me to succeed. These understandings were so important in determining how to get through this pain which I needed to get over as soon as possible to begin gaining everything I can from my short time abroad.
I understood that to overcome these feelings, I needed a good balance of focus on the present moment and a hopeful outlook on the future. The hopeful outlook on the future is important because we don’t understand what can be gained from a new area. We need to be curious about what is there and hopeful of what it will be. However, we also need to remain present in the moment, so we can meet new people and try new things. If we only remain hopeful, but aren’t present, we end up missing all of the transformative unknowns that may be right in front of us.
I tried to maintain realistic expectations for my first few days in London. From years of experience traveling, I understood and accepted the fact it would suck. Being alone in a foreign country always sucks at first, but in such a short time that sucking transforms. We slowly become busy, get involved, and establish a friend group, then life becomes normal and comfortable again.
We can’t discount this uncomfortable sucking. It is critical that we must learn to embrace it because that is where the growth occurs. I know I initially wanted to rush through this phase of my trip, but after a bit of thinking, I knew once I get busy I will miss having a bit of the unknown. So, I decided to try to make a lesson out of it to help others.
I definitely don’t have all the answers as to how to meet people or how to get involved and develop a routine because that is largely dependent on your scenario. I do know it is possible, though. It may take you more or less time than it did me, but it is that hopeful and present outlook that will drive you forward to the growth we are all ultimately searching for.
