Confidence — Control
When we shift our focus from what is happening to what we can control, we gain a level of power that will drive us from feeling overwhelmed to being in-control.
Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Dr. Michael Gervais, a sport and performance psychologist, tells a story in his book, Compete to Create, about a time he worked with the Red Bull High Performance Program.
In an effort to determine how stress, worry, and frustration impact performance, they tested 3 different golfers: a weekend warrior, a local golf pro, and a top-ranked pga player. In the test, they randomly placed 18 balls around a putting green ranging from 1 to 15 feet from the hole. The PGA golfer made 15 of the 18 shots, but what he said about those shots showed how his mindset differed from the other players.
When Dr. Gervais asked him how many good shots he had, the player responded, “I hit 17 good shots.” Dr. Gervais, shocked, said, “Only 15 went in. You were 15 out of 18”. The player then said, “Right, but the way I think about golf is that I focus my attention on what’s in my control, not the end result. I committed to 17 shots. I was 17 out of 18.”
This mindset is incredible because it shows regardless of how well we prepare and execute, sometimes the end result will be out of our control. With this in mind, we mustn’t allow the end result of our endeavor to dissuade us from taking action, pushing our comfort zone and finding growth in our lives.
As a fighter pilot, I often feel the sensation of stress, worry, and frustration from what could happen or what has happened. Considering the level of risk associated with flying it is very easy to allow this sensation to take control and hold me back. However, a common statement in flying is the only way to lower the risk to zero is by not flying at all. Since that isn’t a possibility, learning to focus on what is in my control is a constant battle to growing and progressing.
A technique I learned over time was simply reminding myself of what is in my control. I do this by asking myself the very simple question, “What can I control right now?” By doing this, I can remove any fixation I may have in the moment. Instead of having tunnel vision on a single response, I open up to other possibilities and see alternative actions.
On my recent checkride to become a qualified F-16 pilot, I made the mistake of landing short of the runway. This mistake can be dangerous because impacting any debris off the runway can lead to worse damage. In retrospect, I lost focus on what was in my control in the moment. Rather than broadening my vision and seeing what other options I had in response to a jet malfunction, I opted to land immediately, regardless of the circumstances. Had I taken a second and reminded myself what is in my control right now, I would have realized that I had time to try another landing whick would have prevented further mistakes.
Simply asking myself that question, would have given me more time. and expanding my time to think would’ve given me even more options. Creating the time we need to think and decide can potentially save any of us from landing short as a pilot or in whichever field you find yourself in.
I offer this example because regardless of the amount of work we put in during preparation, there is always something we will not be able to control. Learning how to respond to these unknown situations is the critical skill required to grow and succeed.
Whether you are a fighter pilot, a janitor, lawyer, or otherwise, there will be times when you are taken by surprise and forced into a situation where you are filled with stress, worry, or frustration. You will gain awareness of this by the signals your body is sending you. Common biological responses to stress and worry are elevated heart rate and perspiration which lead to the psychological responses of attention fixation, narrowing vision, and time dilation. Having the self-awareness when these responses occur, gives us the power to stop and ask ourselves, “What can I control right now?” which in turn gives us the power to retake control over the situation.
Coming back to what we control is the only way to respond. Here are the things that are always 100% in our control at all times: our thoughts, actions, attitude, and effort. With these in mind, we can shift our focus from the stimulus to these 4 areas. Focusing on these areas is what will drive us forward towards success.
Blaming the circumstances for our faults will only lead to excuses and inaction which will not lead to progress. As a reminder, inaction in itself is an action and even more-so a thoughtless, emotional reaction than a thoughtful, controlled response.
The PGA player in the beginning example focused on what he could control. Although the end result wasn’t perfect, he was able to move forward in the test and continue to perform well even as the proctors added more stress. Be the PGA golfer in your next test. By focusing on what you can control, you will find that situations aren’t as complex as they may initially seem, leaving you with more options to respond.
Exercise
Whatever area you want to gain more control in, Olympian, Nicole Davis, offers the following technique to prevent perfectionism and decrease anxiety, stress, and frustration. When she was dealing with burnout during her time on Team USA, she used this to find purpose and control during even the most difficult times.
Each day before you walk into your arena (as Brené Brown calls it), write down three things that are in your capacity to control 100% of the time. Then, measure yourself against these throughout and afterwards. Constantly, refocus on these areas to gauge your progress. Doing this will eliminate the need to compare yourself to others, goals set by people other than yourself, or an ambiguous, impossible perfection. Having this clarity, gives you something realistic to measure yourself against each day.
